


Let it Die -The Starset Series- Part 3

by Antigravity_Carnivore



Series: The Starset Series [3]
Category: Breaking Benjamin (Band), STARSET (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Demons, Angst, Breaking Benjamin, Darkness, Demons, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Music
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-14 22:57:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9209006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Antigravity_Carnivore/pseuds/Antigravity_Carnivore
Summary: Dustin finally comes to grips with what he has lost, and what he has to gain.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Possibly my last chapter, I may add more at a later date. I decided not to cliff hanger this and left it sort of open ended without a proper conclusion.  
> Because the voices in my head told me to.
> 
> Please note: you will have to have read the first two chapters for this to make any sense.
> 
> Also, 95% of this was written with the Starset Song "Let it Die" on repeat. 
> 
> Lastly, I'd like to thank LizzyPoofs for constantly cheering me on and being part of my inspiration to write this.

A wave of pain shot through my head, painful enough to bring tears to my eyes and I groaned, and started to feel faint. I closed my eyes to the searing pain, willing myself not to pass out, when I felt Brock tighten his grip on me, keeping me on my feet and stable. The hallway now was filled up with roadies and other band assistants who had come out of the dressing rooms to see what the raucous was about. I knew that Brock not only held on to me to keep me from toppling over, but also so that I could have some dignity on my way out the door. I gave him a reassuring nod, and then saw him look back over my shoulder. Benjamin had handed someone his guitar and had come to my other side, helping Brock to hold me up. I could tell that Brock was more than slightly annoyed, but kept silent. I didn’t know what to say or do. At that very moment, all I could focus on was the pain. The lights were searing my eyeballs; every decibel of sound cracked my skull to bits. The three of us walked to the back exit of the venue, where there was a car waiting. The light snow had changed to pouring rain, and turned the ground to nothing more than a murky, muddy mess. Ben shifted and let Brock take the weight of my body as he went ahead and opened the door to the back seat for me. Brock helped me inside, and I slid across the seat and he quickly joined me, pulling the door shut before Ben could do anything more. I had this feeling that he wanted to get in the car there with us, but Brock denied him. Brock rolled down the window and motioned back towards the door. “You better get back in there man, don’t leave your fans waiting.” Ben leaned down to the window and looked directly at me.  
“Don’t worry about anything; I’ll take care of it, you just take care of him.” He stood up and patted on the roof of the car and we drove off. I looked in the mirror of the driver’s side of the car and watched him as we departed. He stood there in the pouring rain, his shirt clinging to his body, hair dripping wet, soaked to the bone until we drove out of sight.  
The drive to the hospital was horrendous. Each bump and hole that jostled my body made my head feel even worse, plus the rocking motion of the car was more than enough to make me fight with all I had so that I wouldn't vomit profusely. Brock was talking to the driver, asking him about the distance we had to travel, the quality of the medical care, and all the time keeping a watchful eye on me. I slumped myself up against a window and let the glass cool my feverish forehead. I felt like my body was being burned up from the inside. I didn’t know what was happening to me, and it scared me to death. Was I really in a life and death struggle with the devil for my soul, or was Brock right, and I was experiencing some sort of seizures? There was really no way of telling. The Benjamin in my hallucinations was certainly different than the one that helped me out to the car, and demons aren’t real… but yet... I closed my eyes and shivered in my damp jacket. I wanted this to all be over. One way or another.  
Sitting on the edge of the gurney in the E.R., I took off my glasses and rubbed my eyes. As soon as I arrived, I was given an injection for the massive pain in my head, which took the edge off considerably. I was now able to function and think more clearly, which was a huge relief to me. Only a lingering bit of drowsiness remained, presumably a side effect of the medication. After the shot, everyone left me alone for a short time, in blissful silence as the meds did their job, but now I was eager to find out what was going on. Sitting here alone was doing nothing. I decided that I’d go investigate when Brock came in with the doctor.  
“Feeling better Mr. Bates?” he asked in that flat, ‘I don’t really care, you’re just part of my job’ voice.  
“Yes, now when can I get out of here and back to the band?”  
The doctor clearly wasn’t amused by my question and looked down at me over the rim of his glasses. “Not tonight, that’s for certain. I don’t know what’s with you rock star type of people, you are all the same, working yourself to death, partying every night and then when you’re body starts to give out, only then do you decide it’s time to slow down.” He shook his head. “I’ll never understand it. Anyway Mr. Bates from what I’ve been told, you have experienced two complete blackouts in a 24 hour period, with memory loss, is this correct?”  
I glanced over to Brock, who was not so subtly trying to read the chart in the doctor’s hand and stifled a laugh. “Huh? Oh yeah sounds about right.”  
“We’re going to run some tests, to make sure that there’s nothing going on in your head that shouldn’t be, and keep you overnight for observation. Providing all the tests are clear, you will be released in the morning and can go back to your shows with some pain medication and instructions to at least try and get some rest. Do you understand?”  
Nodding, I thought to myself how ironic his words were. Little did he know what was going on inside of my head. I was relieved though that I’d have my answer and could put it all behind me. I seriously doubted whether or not I’d make it out of another mental episode with demon Ben again. The doctor headed out to make arrangements for the tests and Brock sat down on the gurney next to me. “You look better.”  
“Yeah it’s amazing what modern science can do for you…and good drugs.” I laughed. The nurse brought in a hospital gown and sat it next to me, and Brock picked it up, letting it unfold so that it unfurled and presented the back of it to me. It was the most unappealing lilac color.  
“Oh man, you’re going to look smoking hot in this!” He joked and tossed it at me.  
I shook my head. “There’s no way in hell I’m wearing that.”  
“You have to.” The nurse interjected with an annoyed tone. “You’re being sent for a MRI, which means no clothing. I’ll be back to take you down in a few minutes, please be ready.” Rolling her eyes she headed out the door in a huff.  
Brock smirked. “She wants you, she wants to see that sweet ass of yours.” He winked at me and I shot him a scowl of disapproval. He just continued to grin at me. “It’s OK bud, we’ve been friends for a long time, I’ve seen that ass quite a few times, I’m good!” I reached over and grabbed the stiff pillow and hit him with it. Always willing to cheer me up and make me feel better, Brock was there for me. My life just wouldn’t be the same without him in it. The nurse came back pushing a wheelchair sooner than we expected and shot us a annoyed look. Brock went out to the door. “I’m going to head out, before they make me drop my pants too. You got my number, give me a call before they knock you out tonight. Let me know how everything went.” I nodded to him and he left the room, I instantly began to miss him.  
I grabbed the gown and headed for the bathroom, changing out of my clothes as fast as I could and returned to the room to where the nurse was waiting. I pointed to the wheelchair. “Do I have to ride in that thing?” I asked.  
“Sorry it’s hospital regulations.” I sighed and resigned myself to being pushed around like an invalid. I was now feeling completely free of pain, and just wanted to leave, but I was this far committed, I figured I might as well go through with it. At the very least, it would put an ease to Brock’s mind. I sat down in the chair and she smiled at me. “You still have your boxers on. Good choice.” I couldn’t help but to be a little embarrassed, and grabbed the sheet off the bed, draping it over my legs for added privacy. She laughed at me and wheeled me out of the ER and down the medicinal smelling hallway. After a few sharp turns and twists, we arrived at the MRI room and she helped me to my feet. The first thing I noticed was the giant tube like body sized machine taking up a large percentage of the room. More like a tunnel than a X-ray machine, I was incredibly thankful that I wasn’t claustrophobic. It looked dark and menacing, but with a few button pushes, the nurse brought it whirring to life and I decided then that I hated it even more. “Please lay down here, Mr. Bates.” She said in a uninterested tone. I did as she asked, and then she went about positioning my body to line up with a static set of guides. I absolutely hated this entire routine. “The machine is going to make a series of very loud clicks and noises, but they are nothing but the sound of it working, so you don’t have anything to be afraid of. The most important part is that you lie completely still and do not move. If you move, even the slightest, we will have to start all over again. Do you understand?” I nodded to her and gazed up to the bright fluorescent lights, wishing that Brock were here. She down reached and took my glasses off my face and smiled at me. “You can’t wear those in there, not to worry; I will give them back to you as soon as it’s all over.” She finished up the final preparation and patted me on the thigh. “Are you ready?” I nodded to her and she walked into the viewing room next door, leaving me alone with the Monster.  
The machine activated, and drew me into the bright cylinder. I blinked me eyes against the harsh light and then heard the nurse’s voice coming over the intercom. “Alright we’re set. There’s a microphone by your head, so if you get anxious or need anything all you have to do is call for me. My name’s Elizabeth, by the way. The lights will dim now. Just relax, take deep breaths and if you like, you can close your eyes. It will take about 45 minutes.” She paused for a moment. “Starting now.” The lights faded out, leaving me in almost complete darkness and the rhythmic tapping noise started, surrounding my head and shoulders. I did as she suggested and closed my eyes, putting my mind to a far off place where I could relax.  
About 20 minutes had passed when something touched my neck. I almost flinched but caught myself at the very last possible moment. A fly, perhaps? Nothing of consequence. Back to concentrating. Then I felt it again, this time touching my face, and then suddenly a heavy weight covering my body. I heard him whisper my name. “Dustin.” I immediately opened my eyes to find myself face to face with Ben. He was laying on top of me, pinning me down with the weight of his body, grinning at me. Those deep, gray eyes looked straight into mine, and I was terror-stricken. I screamed, trying to move out from under him, when suddenly he was gone. I was alone. I wiped the beads of sweat from my face with shaking fingers and tried to calm my breathing. It had to be all in my head, there's nothing here. Stop it.. stop imagining things that don't exist. I knew right where Ben was at this moment, he was on stage at the show, playing to a room full of screaming fans. There was no way possible that he could be here. Get yourself together, Dustin!Then I felt cold, clutching fingers wrap around my ankles and suddenly wretch my body from the MRI unit. I tried to grab onto whatever I could, but there was nothing to take hold of, my hands skidded along the smooth metal, my fingers desperately grasping for something viable. Before I knew it, I was tossed, full force onto the cold tile floor, where I sat there, dazed and confused in my thin hospital gown.  
The room was dimly lit, with no signs of life around at all, the only sound coming from the hum of the machines. I pulled myself to my feet and ventured into the control room. There was an eerie silence to the flickering monitors that surrounded the room, giving everything a ghastly, ghostly blue glow. I approached the desk and reached out for the chair, and much to my surprise, found it was not empty. Sitting there casually, with his feet propped up on the desk, with a medical chart in his hands was Ben. He spun the chair around to look at me. “I’m afraid it’s terminal.” He said in a serious tone.  
I ran over to him and grabbed him by handfuls of his shirt, shaking him as hard as I could. “You bastard, what the hell are you doing to me?”  
Ben’s face seemed to light up with my fury. He placed a hand on one of my arms and smiled at me. “Absolutely nothing, Dustin. This is all your doing. And as much as I admire your fierceness, I have to inform you that this little cat and mouse game is going to end, soon.”  
“Good! I can’t take any more of this mental bullshit.” I released him and stepped away. I had to distance myself from him, being that close to his body was already giving me chills. Leaning back against the wall, I crossed my arms in front of my chest. “I want you to get out of my head; go away and never come back. I don’t care what it costs, fuck the shows. We’ll do it all on our own.”  
Ben crossed his legs and leaned back on the chair. He looked particularly stoic, bathed in the lights from the monitors. I couldn’t tear my eyes off of him. “I wish you’d understand, Dustin. As I keep telling you, there’s no way out of this. What I am giving you is something so fantastically wonderful, so far beyond your wildest dreams, that you could never even imagine it. You’ve already agreed…” He stood up and moved over to me, tracing two fingers along my jawline. “Remember?”  
I immediately swatted his hand away. “I’ve agreed to nothing.”  
“Let me refresh your memory.” He put his hand on the center of my chest and pressed down hard. I was pushed against the wall, and the pressure of his hand made it hard to breathe. My ribs started to crack and splinter, and excruciating pain spread out from the center of my chest through my entire body. I let out a loud cry and he brought his fingers to my lips. “You can continue to protest, but if you do, I can assure you that you will regret it. Every time you close your eyes, I will be there. In your dreams, nightmares, just waiting to come for you. Each night I will bring you to the height of pleasure, and then drag you down to hell, with the most insufferable torture one could ever imagine. When you wake up, your body will become weak, and eventually when you become so weak that you cannot fight any longer, I will take your torn and crushed body to Death and present it to him.” I shivered, listening to his words. “The worst part is that if this happens, no one will ever know the truth. They will assume that the pressure of being on the road broke you, you went insane, and will lock the shell of your body away in some home until it rots. Everyone will see you as a failure. “ He removed his hand from my chest and the pain immediately stopped. I was able to breathe again. Reaching up, he ran his fingers through my hair. “It doesn’t have to be that way. If you just stop fighting it, stop fighting me… it will all go away. Just like this.” Ben snapped his fingers and everything went dark.  
I found myself laying on the table outside of the MRI machine, there were several nurses and a doctor surrounding me. I blinked and inhaled deeply, filling my lungs with air like a drowning man coming up for air after he’s been submerged for a long time. I looked down and saw that my gown was pulled down off my chest, and that there were all sorts of wires stuck to my body. Then I noticed that breathing was difficult, like someone had placed bricks on top of me, what the hell was going on?  
The doctor stepped forward. “Relax Mr. Bates. You’re going to be OK.” He motioned for the nurses and they swooped in, removing the pads from my chest and getting me into a sitting position.  
“What the hell happened?” I asked.  
“During your test, you suffered a heart attack. The MRI tech who was doing the test noticed you in distress and was able to act quickly, and we were able to bring you back. You’re a lucky man.”  
A heart attack, what the fucking hell? I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It just felt like I fell asleep for a few moments. I looked down at the red, irritated skin of my chest and knew that this wasn’t a hallucination. I leaned forward and held my head in my hands, overwhelmed with emotion. I could hear the doctor saying something about some emergency tests that were going to be performed, but I tuned it all out. My mind was reeling with what Ben had said to me. I didn’t want to give in, I wanted to fight him so badly, every inch of me told me to stand my ground and be defiant, but at what cost would all of this come?  
The remainder of the night had me being poked and prodded with every sort of test imaginable. I didn't even protest or complain one bit, I tuned it all out, choosing to deal with the demons inside my head first. It wasn’t until the small hours of the morning when they finally gave me a room. Thankfully it was a private room with a large window where I could see the stars outside. The window pane dripped with a few water droplets that remained after the storm had passed. The clouds were now starting to part and my eyes were fixated on the heavens, on those gorgeous diamonds twinkling on the blanket of the night sky. Everything was so peaceful at 2 am.  
I was still awake when Brock rolled in, promptly at seven am., the exact moment when visiting hours started. He burst into the room and came straight over to my bed, grabbing my body and giving me the tightest hug that I could imagine was ever possible. I thought that his arms around me would break me in two. Finally, after several awkward moments, he let go and looked at me, nearly on the verge of tears. “I heard what happened last night. Dustin.. man.. how are you feeling, are you OK? Can I get you anything, what did the doctors say caused it? Are you in any pain?”  
I shook my head and gave him a smile. “I’m OK. Tired is all.” That was the only truth I could say to him, the dark circles under my eyes were proof. “Doc is coming in, in a few minutes to give me the result of the tests. So you’re right on time.” His company made me feel a bit better. “Brock, I am glad you’re here.”  
He pulled up a chair, positioning it near my bed and fished the TV remote off the nightstand, sitting down so that he wasn’t more than a foot away from me. “Yeah, you keep saying that, but I'm starting to wonder if I should get babysitting pay. ” He laughed and started to channel surf.  
The doctor came in by himself, which I thought was a bit unusual and shut the door behind him. Brock clicked mute on the TV and sat up. “Had a rough night last night, eh Mr. Bates?” he asked, casually flipping through the pages of my chart.  
“Not nearly as bad as some of the shows that we’ve done. Where you don’t get home until two days and a half case of beer later.” I heard Brock snicker beside me. I elbowed him and he quieted down, but still had a mischievous look on his face.  
Frowning, the doctor chose to ignore him. “We got the results of your tests in, and I am sad to tell you that they aren’t good.” I felt my chest starting to tighten up, and the color draining from my face. The doctor pointed to Brock. “Would you give us a few moments?”  
Brock didn’t budge. “He’s fine, just please get on with it. What’s wrong with me?”  
The doctor shrugged and flipped through his pages again. “According to all of these tests, Mr. Bates, you are dying. Heart failure, I’m afraid. It’s odd that you didn’t have any other symptoms up until now, it’s so badly progressed that there’s nothing that we can do.”  
I kept my eyes lowered. I couldn’t look at the doctor or Brock. I thought back to my first confrontation with Ben, and how he ripped my heart out, and yet I still lived. “Run the tests again.” I insisted.  
“There’s no need, we did each three times last night. They all show the same result. It is impossible to tell how much time you have left, and but eventually your heart will give out. There is no explanation as to the cause of it. All we can do is give you medicine to take home with you to make you comfortable.”  
Home. I hated that word. There was nothing for me at home, but an empty house. My family was all here with me, out on the road. How could I go back and face them with this knowledge that everything we’ve been working so hard for ends here?  
The doctor waited for a few moments and then cleared his throat. “I am going to give you some time to let this all soak in. I’d like very much for you to remain here for one more night, as a precaution. If you’d like, I can make arrangements so that your friend there can remain with you, if that would give you any comfort?”  
Brock folded his arms across his chest. “I’m not going anywhere.” The doctor turned and left, closing the door behind him and I looked to Brock, who was obviously consumed by his own emotions. I leaned back on the pillow and rubbed my eyes. This was insanity. Three days ago I was gearing up to the biggest thing in my life, and now here I was, fighting for my life. Brock finally managed to drag his eyes off the floor and look up at me. “You want me to make a few phone calls for you Dustin, let everyone know what’s going on?”  
I shook my head. This was a responsibility that I had to take on my own. “No. I’ll do it myself. Just not right now.” A thought suddenly crossed my mind. “But you can go ahead and tell them that we’re going to be one more night here, our next show isn’t until three days from now, so we can catch up when I get out of here tomorrow.”  
Brock looked at me confused. “Dustin..”  
“It’s alright man, I got this covered, go get yourself some food, and I need you to pick up some things for me, it’s going to be a long night tonight.” It took a bit of persuading, but eventually Brock came around and did what I asked. He called the label and the touring staff and informed them that we’d be delayed by a day or so at the hospital, and that we’d fly to the next city first thing in the morning. I knew what he was thinking, but for the first time in years, I completely disregarded his thoughts, it broke my heart. He sat on the edge of my bed, ignoring the television, his phone, everything. We talked for hours about music, the band, our insane hopes and dreams for the future. I never knew how much he meant to me, until then. Hours passed and the sun slipped down below the mountains and twilight was upon us. Brock curled up in the chair next to my bed and the thoughtful nurses brought him a blanket, which he pulled up around his chin tightly to ward off the usual hospital chills. I watched him as he fell into a deep sleep, his chest rising and falling with each breath taken. I wondered what he was dreaming about, thinking it must be someplace nice and warm, away from any bit of drama or stress. I was jealous of him in a way, of his undying devotion and love for the band…and for me. I wished that I could have that kind of blind trust in someone, willing to put my happiness in their hands without hesitation.  
The hours slowly crept by, as I lay there listening to the low drone of the hospital and humoring each nurse that came in to fuss with me. Long after midnight, when I was absolutely certain that Brock was asleep, I quietly got myself out of bed, thankful that I managed to convince the charge nurse earlier to remove the heart monitor from me so that the alarms wouldn’t start going off. Grasping hold of the needle inserted into my arm, I slipped it out of my vein and tossed it aside, dripping bright red droplets of blood all over the bed sheets. I rummaged through the bag that Brock had brought me and found the fresh set of clothing, along with a few other items that I asked him to bring me, which he did without question. I couldn’t help but to smile at his sleeping form, knowing what a perfect friend he was. I said a silent prayer to whatever Gods were listening to watch over him. He deserved that.  
I stepped out of my room and pulled the door shut. It clicked more loudly than any other latch I have ever heard in my entire life. The hall was entirely empty. I took a few steps and looked around at the plain mint green colored walls that seemingly went on forever. Not even knowing which direction I was going in, I just started walking, noting how highly polished the floors were, even bright enough to see my own reflection in. I kept walking, then stopped, what the hell was I doing? Where was I going? Then I saw it, a dark shape in the corner of my eye, nothing more than a shadow, scurrying around the corner and out of sight. I quickened my pace and as I rounded the corner, the fluorescent lights overhead started to flicker, on and off in a random manner. I could hear the dim electric hum every time they switched back on and came to life. I glanced down the hall and stared at the sight before me. The shadows that were lurking about, swirled and churned, in a vortex like pattern, merging together to form a humanoid shape. Breathtaking and mesmerizing, the dark form stood at the end of the hallway, illuminated eerily by the flickering lights. I took a step forward and it moved towards me, taking a step closer, trails of dark shadows, trailing out behind it like some sort of macabre veil. I stood there for long moments, shivering, shaking, not quite sure what to do, when I heard the whisper. “Dustin…” I instantly knew who it was. I stood completely still and watched in fascination as the shadows moved forward, slowly floating down the hall towards me as I held my ground. I looked down and saw them swirling around my feet, then my ankles, then they started to ascend, but they weren’t just around the outside of my body, they oozed in through the cuff of my pants and wrapped their inky blackness around my bare legs, moving, writhing, snaking up my body. The touch was unlike anything I ever experienced before. The spiral movements of their corporeal form on legs, rising higher and higher was completely erotic. It was both tender and seductive as it continued to churn its way up, slinking into the space between my legs and totally encompassing my shaft, slipping along the length with the tender touch of fine velvet. I shivered uncontrollably as the shadowy thing twirled spiral shapes around my torso, and rising over my chest. It brushed past my nipples and up to around my neck. I started to feel my throat close up and it became difficult to breathe. The feeling of drowning in an endless sea of blackness was overwhelming. As I struggled for breath, I felt my hands clutch tightly and my nails start to dig into the palms of my hands. It was so wonderful, and yet so terrible at the same time.  
Somehow, I managed to break myself out of the stupor for a moment and come to my senses. “Get away.” I whispered through clenched teeth. The dark mist immediately retreated, slinking down my flesh and leaving it cold and painful to the touch, almost as if I had been frostbite. It remained for a few moments, hovering in the empty hallway, before disappearing completely. “Where are you?” I shouted. Almost as if in response, a door opened at the end of the hall, and I slowly approached it. I could see that it opened up to an eerie stairwell, twisting and turning its way to the top of the building. Stepping inside, I turned around and looked back to the empty hall, to the room where Brock still slept with a rising sense of guilt. There was this sinking feeling inside of me that if I let that door go closed, I would never see him again. The thought was almost unbearable. My hand held onto the door handle for long moments, as my mind was torn, then I felt a sudden, sharp pain in my chest which crippled me for a second, almost dropping me to the ground in agony. I gasped for breath and then quickly as it came, it was gone. I let go of the door and began my ascent up the stairs to the roof, taking one step at a time, each feeling like they were going to be my last.  
It was cold and windy on the roof of the hospital. I stepped outside and let the door shut behind me. I looked to the edge of the stone railing and saw Ben there, the most magnificent sight I have ever seen in my entire life. Dressed in his simple black shirt, he had donned tight fitting black pants, tucked into imposing leather boots, adorned with silver studs and grommets. Balancing precariously on the edge, he flared out those incredibly beautiful black feather wings, which I had seen on the first night, and I looked on in awe. I wanted to reach out and touch them so badly, run my fingers along each of the shafts and veins, feel the pin feathers between my fingers. I stood my ground, and just took in the sight of this creature before me. Ben flared his wings out, in a dramatic response to my gawking and then tucked them behind him, and started walking along the edge of the stone rail, looking down at the traffic far below instead of me. Awkward moments of silence passed before I stepped forward and called to him. “I’m here.”  
Ben continued his pacing. I don’t know why, but I was growing more and more nervous with each step that he took. “So you are.” He put one foot in front of the other, transfixed on the street and not me. “You’ve made your decision then?”  
I took a long breath. “Yes.” I answered, my voice wavering and unsure of itself.  
His pacing took him completely around the perimeter of the roof, and as he reached the starting point, he finally looked at me with those luxurious gray eyes and stopped. I straightened my back and met his gaze, unwavering. Jumping down from the rail, he slowly walked over to me, the looming darkness following him, and reached to me, putting his hand alongside my cheek and cupping my face in his hand. “You’ve chosen wisely, Dustin.” His voice was soothing and comforting, like the velvet shadows, I wanted to wrap myself up in them and shut out the world. I felt as though a huge weight was taken off my shoulders. The looming darkness that surrounded him seemed warm and welcoming now. Forever wouldn't be so bad at all. Plucking my glasses off my face, he placed his thumb and forefinger on my chin and tilted my head up, letting them drop to the ground. The wind whipped around us, as I leaned into him, into his warmth and desire, and let my arms circle around his waist. Those soft, silken feathers brushed over the skin of my hands, as I calmly embraced him. There was no hate, no remorse, nothing but an intense comfort in his arms. The world melted away, along with all of my pain as he brought those soft lips to mine and kissed me. I had spent my entire life longing, wanting, desperately searching for a place to fit in, to belong and here I found it. No struggles, no fighting, only endless love under a sea of silver stars. This is what I was searching for. The future, the past, none of it mattered anymore. He kissed my lips over and over, each one more tender than the last, as I inhaled and took in the air from his lungs. I let my hands move up, and I could feel the hard bone structures of his wings that jutted out of his back. My fingertips brushed lightly over his spine and I heard him let out a soft sigh.  
The silence was broken by the muffled screech of a door opening and I felt Ben’s body stiffen up. I looked at him curiously and could see that he was gazing at something behind me. Before I could say or do anything, he grabbed my body and forcibly yanked me backwards towards the edge of the roof. I lost my footing and fell to the ground, landing in a pile of rubble and broken glass. The wind had picked up considerably and was now whipping around us and I was forced to yell to him. “Ben, what the hell is going on?”  
He moved to stand in front of me, almost protectively with his wings spread out the full length and a look of such rage on his face that I thought for sure I was staring at the devil himself. I pulled myself to my feet and peered around his body and my jaw dropped. There, standing at the entrance to the stairwell was Brock, with a gun pointing straight at Ben. “Brock!” I shouted, almost in disbelief.  
Brock didn’t tear his eyes off of Ben. He kept his ground, standing there with the gun pointed at Ben’s head, unmovable. “Dustin, get away from him, now.” He growled.  
“Brock, wait a moment, take a breath, put that gun down or else someone’s going to get hurt.” I took a step forward, but Ben reached out and put an arm across my chest, holding me back. In response, Brock pulled the hammer of the gun back, cocking it and adjusted his aim. Ben snarled. I tried desperately to diffuse the situation. “Look, you don’t know all the facts man, let’s talk this through, we can sort it all out alright?”  
Even though it was frigidly cold outside, I could make out beads of sweat building up on Brock’s forehead. Normally a very calm and reserved person, this sudden change of character frightened me. I could see so much hatred in those eyes, and perhaps a pang of jealousy. “I don’t need any explanation, Dustin. Get the fuck away from that…. That thing! I don’t want to hit you!”  
Ben snarled and sneered at Brock. “You shouldn’t meddle in matters that do not concern you boy.” He took a step forward, arching his wings and looking positively menacing.  
“Things that don’t concern me?” Brock looked hurt. “Look at Dustin there, HE is my concern. You’re right though, I don’t know what’s going on, other than the fact that you have done something to him, and whatever it is, its getting worse.” He shook his head and I could see that he was starting to break. “You’re killing him, and I have to stop that!”  
My heart was pounding furiously in my chest. I had to stop this before it got any worse. I went to say something and Ben cut me off abruptly. “Why are you so afraid of losing him? Are you afraid of losing a friend, a family member, or perhaps your front man?” I picked up a distinct tone in Ben’s voice, he was prodding Brock, picking away, trying to get him to breakdown and falter. “Are you afraid that without Dustin, you'll be forced to be nothing again? Go back to playing run down dives, and trashy bars every weekend? A nobody?” Ben squinted his eyes and waved his hand at Brock. “No, the real reason isn't as shallow and petty as that, is it? Hmm?” He moved forward, closer to Brock and the gun. “It’s something more. You’re afraid of losing him because you love him.”  
Ben’s words shattered inside of my head and sent shards and pangs of disbelief through my mind. Could what he was saying be true? I saw a stray tear run down Brock’s cheek as I looked at him, and I knew that it was the truth. The gun in his hand started to shake as his arm lowered a bit. All these years, no one ever stood beside me more than Brock, through all the good times and bad, he was there for me, picking me up, dusting me off and telling me to keep at it. I never suspected anything more than friendship, simply because I was too blind to see it. I was hell bent on getting our music out there, to achieve success for all of us. So many things had changed in my life since then. Including when Ben came along, I would have never entertained the idea of being with another male. He changed me.  
“Fuck you!” Brock shouted and pulled the trigger of the gun. I heard the loud bang and the flash of smoke as the bullet exploded from the barrel. The stench of gunpowder assaulted my nostrils, and instinctively, I dropped to the ground to avoid getting hit. Unfortunately, Brock’s aim was off and the bullet hit the stone rail behind me, sending a rain of concrete pouring down onto the street below. Ben snapped into action, in a whirl of black feathers and darkness, he lunged forward and wrenched the gun from Brock’s hand, grabbing him by the wrist and giving it a twist. I could hear the sickening crunch of bones snapping and Brock screaming in pain. Ben grabbed him by the neck and lifted him off the ground. Immediately Brock’s face started turning red as he started to squeeze, cutting off his air supply. I vaulted to my feet and ran across the rooftop, stepping on my discarded glasses along the way, smashing them into bits, and stopped a few feet short of Ben.  
Even though the wind was screaming in my ears, I lowered my voice. “Ben. Stop.” I stepped forward and put a hand on his shoulder. “Please.” Ben looked over his shoulder at me and then back to Brock who was now a terrible shade of purple, but still struggling. I silently pleaded with him, imploring mercy with my eyes, simply because I thought that words were useless at this point. He sighed and pulling his arm back, tossed Brock’s body down onto the ground. Right away, he started gasping for breath and holding his shattered wrist in his hand. He would live. I dropped my hand down to Ben’s forearm and squeezed it tightly. “Thank you.” I whispered.  
Ben turned away from Brock, and went back to the ledge, resting his arms on it and looking over the edge once again, lost in thought. I walked over and joined him, leaning against his side, I rested my head on his shoulder. There didn’t seem to be a need for words between us. We stood there, looking out to the city beyond with the rushing cars and twinkling lights, home to thousands of people, all far below our feet.  
“How could you tell?” I asked, trying to look at his eyes, he was avoiding me.  
Ben gave me the tiniest of smiles, if it even was a smile at all, I couldn’t tell for certain. “You should know by now, Dustin. I see things in people. I see their hopes and their dreams. Yours called to me, desperately wanting your voice to be heard, your name to be remembered, and to be accepted for who you are.” He gestured over to Brock’s direction. “His is different, all he wants is you. Nothing attached, no ultimatums or stipulations, he only wants for you to love him in return. I could feel it the moment he walked through the door. It poured out of him in waves. He’d die for you Dustin.”  
I frowned, and felt the heavy weight return to my chest. It pressed painfully against my heart. “I don’t believe that. No one should feel that way towards another person. It gives them power over you.”  
“Do you believe that?” he asked.  
“I do.”  
I saw Brock start to stir and I ran over to his side. His eyes were fixed on Ben, locked on in a vicious vengeful spite of rage. “Dustin, please. Whatever this is, I am begging you, don’t do it. He’s fucking evil and you know that. Stay here. If not for me, stay for you. Create, sing, do whatever, just don’t let him take that away from you.”  
“It’s not that simple Brock. I was made an offer and I took it.” I lowered my eyes and reached out for his uninjured hand, holding onto it tightly. “If I go against it now, I am not sure I will have the strength to keep fighting, and in the end, I will surely succumb. I won't be the same person anymore.”  
Brock gave me a desperate look. “You do have the strength. You have all those fans out there, cheering you on from night to night, they want to hear your voice, they want to receive the Message. The band, they are your family as much as blood would ever be. Are you so fucking blind as not to see them out there with you every night, backing you up? They need you and you need them!”  
I heard footsteps behind me, and was aware that Ben was no longer standing on the edge of the rail. I wasn’t completely sure where he had gone to, I was more focused on Brock. “What about you, Brock? What do you need?”  
He gave me a smile though the pain and entwined his fingers with mine. “I need you.” My heart shattered and I started to feel tears swell up in my eyes. I pulled his hand up to my lips and kissed his knuckles.  
“I need you too, Brock.” Saying those words felt cathartic.  
From behind me, I heard Ben’s voice, flat and toneless. “You’re dying. Dustin.”  
I kept my eyes on Brock. I didn’t want to turn around and face what was behind me. “I know.” Ben put his hand on my shoulder; I could see his dark shadow looming over me.  
“Stand up, Dustin” he commanded.  
I felt something bubble up from deep inside of me, some hidden bit of courage, or defiance, and I knew what I had to do. “I’ll stand up, alright, but I’m not facing you. I’m going to stand up and we’re going to walk out of here. And I don’t care what you do to me, how you torture me mentally or physically, I’m going to fight against you every step of the way.”  
His hand grabbed at my shirt and he roughly spun me around. I was now eye to eye with him. A strange fatigue suddenly set in, and I started to feel incredibly weak. My body wobbled and wavered, but Ben caught me in his arms and held me tight. A series of sharp pains stabbed me in the heart and I cried out in pain, clutching my chest. “I told you, Dustin, there wasn’t a way out of this, and now you’re suffering. Can’t you see that this is what you will be subjected to day and night, crippling you and making you nothing more than liability to the ones that you love? Are you prepared for that? This is the last time you will ever have the chance to go with me, after this… I cannot help you any longer; you can’t beat me, you will succumb to your fate. Your heart is failing now, even as we speak.”  
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Brock was on his feet, holding his arm and leaning against the rail for support. “I was wrong, loving someone doesn’t make you weak, it gives you strength. If my heart is dying, then Let it Die. I won’t ever be blinded again.”  
Surprisingly Ben let me go and I walked away from him, and rejoined Brock. We gave each other a knowing nod and had almost made it to the door to the stairwell, when Ben called back to me. “Dustin!” I knew that I had to keep moving, but for a moment I let my guard down and turned around. At the same time, Ben came rushing at me from the center of the room and slammed my body against the metal door frame. It knocked the breath out of me and I was stunned, helpless as I was forced to look into those now red-rimmed eyes. He reached up and ripped my shirt open, and I yelled out in protest, trying my best to move away, to struggle but it was futile. I had a sudden rush of memory of that fateful night when our pact was made and to seal the deal, he had ripped out my heart. It was only symbolic, but I knew better. I had felt empty and alone when Ben wasn’t there, because I was missing it, but when he was near me, the owner of my heart, I felt whole again. That explained why I lost myself when I was near him.  
Ben’s fingertips turned and twisted into those sharp talons again, and I screamed out in terror as he slid one down my cheek, splitting the flesh open easily, like a razor blade. I could feel the blood dripping down my face and jawline, so warm and thick. I could do nothing but stand there and watch as he pulled his arm back once again, this time would probably be the final blow, I kept my eyes open and waiting, I wanted to see death coming for me. As he brought his arm back down, I cried out. In a splatter of red gore he plunged it into his own chest. His grip on me still held firm as he let out a loud scream, blood bubbling up on his lips and took hold of his own heart and started to pull. I could see tendons and flesh ripping as he released the organ from his chest and held it out for a moment, giving me a sad look. “You were right, Dustin. It gives you power over someone.” I searched his eyes for an explanation, but all I could see was loneliness and pain. As the gaping hole in his chest oozed profusely, I watched in horror as the color faded from his skin, and those beautiful dark wings started to decay and decompose, turning into gray ashes that swirled around in the breeze. “Go and spread the message, be yourself, and love without abandon. A bit of me will always be with you, because in the end, I did love you.” As the last word left his lips, he tightened his grip on the heart and slammed it into my chest. I felt my skin burning and sizzling, as if someone had set it on fire, and my bones separate, letting the darkness inside. I gasped for breath and forced my lungs to fill with air. Deep inside of my chest, my own tissue was forming with his, joining together and merging into one. There was so much sadness, so much sorrow inside that I thought I would die from the agony of that alone. Then I heard his voice inside of my head. “…but there was great goodness too, find it, bring it back to the light…” The last of the shadows dissipated and Ben dropped down to the ground.  
“Ben!” I knelt down beside him and rolled his body to the side. His skin was already icy cold, but there was no sign of the self induced trauma. Gray, lifeless eyes gazed up at me, and I shivered. He was dead. “No!” I screamed and threw myself down over his exposed chest, sobbing.  
I sensed Brock standing behind me. “Dustin, we have to go. Come on, let’s get out of here. We will call someone when we’re far away.” I took one last look at Ben laying there on the ground. They say that in death, a person receives peace. Seeing his body there, I knew that this wasn’t true. He had swapped places, taken whatever punishment was meant for me breaking my deal. Sacrificed himself for me, and forfeited his own soul, and now I was left to live with what was left. Picking up the pieces and moving on wasn’t going to be easy at all. I walked to the center of the rooftop and picked up my shattered glasses, broken pieces of a broken man.  
Joining Brock at the door, we closed and locked it, then headed back downstairs to the main part of the hospital. It was back to normal again, bustling with people and patients in an ordinary fashion. After a quick trip to the E.R. to get a cast put on his wrist, and a lot of whining, we were on a plane headed for the next city. Brock called the tour manager and told them that we were on our way, and he explained that there was possibly going to be a change in schedule, because Benjamin Burnley couldn’t be found. We would be the headlining act for the next few cities, or until Ben returned. I felt sick to my stomach. Brock said it was air sickness, but I knew better.  
Several months passed. Brock's wrist healed, the laceration on my cheek disappeared to only a very faint scar. Our music was at the top of the charts. We were playing in the largest venue that we ever had before. I peered out the curtain to see the sold out house in front of me with wide eyes. Every inch of the floor was packed, as well as the balcony far above the stage. Everything was bathed in a blue glow from our stage lights, and I could see the familiar illumination of the Emulator beckoning to me. I gripped hold of my microphone and wiped some sweat away from my forehead. Brock joined me, in his suit and straightened up my bow tie. “Hey, you ok?”  
“Yeah, I’m fine. I got this.” This time, I truly meant it.  
The first few chords of music started and Brock gave me a knowing wink and then headed out to the stage, calling behind him. “Hell ya you do!” I followed him out, to a thunderous round of applause.  
We flew through the songs in no time at all. The energy from the crowd was exciting. I glanced down at the set list at my feet, and motioned for the band to hold up before starting the next song. Gripping the mic, I addressed the crowd. “Alright, everyone is having a good time?” The cheers were amazing. “Awesome!! I want to stop for a moment right now before we do the next song and give it a proper introduction.” I could see the other members of the band looking at me, slightly confused. All but Brock. He knew. “There comes a time in your life when you think you’re invincible, that nothing can hurt you and you’re at the top of your game, you’re going to live forever… but the truth is that we’re all vulnerable, more so than we care to think, and time is precious. We build up ourselves to be something more than human, and in reality, that’s all we really are… human. So I ask this of all of you out there tonight.. take a moment, look a good look at your life and those people who really matter to you. The ones who stood by your side and never ran away.. the ones who love you unconditionally.. stop for one moment and tell them how much you appreciate them, and just how much you love them, even if it hurts… this is 

"Let It Die"  
I cut you into pieces  
Searching for your imperfections  
I had plans to make you whole  
But all my threads couldn't stop the bleeding  
There's nothing left, but I'm not leaving  
When all I know is you

I've been looking for a way  
To bring you back to life  
And if I could find a way,  
Then I would bring you back tonight  
I'd make you look, I'd make you lie  
I'd take the coldness from your eyes  
But you told me, if you love me  
Let it die

Your eyes stare right through me  
Ignoring my failed attempts to  
Breathe back life into your veins  
But I can't start your cold heart beating  
You're so far gone, but I'm not leaving  
When all I know is you

I've been looking for a way  
To bring you back to life  
And if I could find a way,  
Then I would bring you back tonight  
I'd make you look, I'd make you lie  
I'd take the coldness from your eyes  
But you told me, if you love me  
Let it die

And you left me more dead  
Than you'll ever know  
When you left me alone

I've been looking for a way  
To bring you back to life  
And if I could find a way,  
Then I would bring you back tonight  
I'd make you look, I'd make you lie  
I'd take the coldness from your eyes  
But you told me, if you love me  
Let it die


End file.
